I checked & double checked my list: passport, health insurance, lease; passport, health insurance, lease. A tight knot in the deep of my stomach was rapidly growing, holding me captive. I can do this, traveling alone. This is Europe. This happens everyday. Eat Pray Love.
I got this.
The cold sleet hit my face as I walked out of the metro into Vienna. I plugged my headphones into my iphone & Sufjan immediately flooded my ears as I walked through the wet city. The strings & the piano almost instantly brought me home. & as my feet thudded to the rhythm, I knew I would be okay. The wind whipping around my hair & drops of water hitting my steps told me, with voiceless words, that Vienna would be good for me. I found my hostel as the clouded sky darkened black & felt a small sliver of accomplishment. ‘Look at what I’m capable of,’ I told myself. ‘You’re braver than you know.’
The embassy was gracious to me the next morning: just one hour of waiting + obtaining the all important & glorious Czech visa. Hallelujah. I thanked the Lord as I pushed open the heavy doors to the street, to the {still} falling rain. A familiar balm of faithfulness coming to me once again; a lightness of being provided for. The tight knot holding my body finally unraveled, defeated at last.
In the small hours left before my bus to Prague, I found myself headed to rainy Naschmarkt; where rows of fresh juice, spices, cheese, baked bread, & colorful fabrics waited. The clouds & shivering air kept most indoors & away from the market that day, & for this I was grateful. My eyes free of crowds could slowly take in shape & scene. I could linger at each stand, smelling the turmeric & warm scones & squeezed fruit. I could silently watch the old men sit & feed pigeons with stale bread from the vendors. I was acutely aware of being alone with myself, with my growing curiosities & poetry rimmed glasses. I was free to wander into shop after shop, satisfying my need for knowing, for grasping.
I collapsed into my window seat on the bus a little while later, grinning at the feat of making good time. I reached into my satchel & pulled out a little bottle of unfiltered kiwi juice bought at one of the market stands. As I sipped the goodness, as I sat relaxed in my seat, I began to swell with the idea of making more memories like this one, alone. Feet walking over street puddles, up up over tall buildings into places unknown, strange & beautiful, with myself.